i should be sleeping as i promised kevin i'd come to bed before 3 am, but. but. i want to pretend for a minute that i am not tiptoe psycho dread of phoenix's middle-of-the-night cry that he is teething again or sneezing his snot river in his sleep for his sweet cold he's been nursing . that i can sleep on my back tonight and not have a kid hanging from my tit. that i didn't spend all my free time today cleaning the kitchen. that i can read until 5 am and not have to get up at 8 to make phoenix breakfast. that i can go grab my lightbox and scan my slides. or work on the collage or the bird poems in my head, that for the last week i have heard and seen racing past me. i love all these things. all these responsibilities that come with parenting. parenting. wifeing.
but right now i need to pretend.