Sunday, July 13, 2008

the boob situation

i am afraid, yes, very afraid, that phoenix will NEVER stop breastfeeding. the boy is HOOKED on the boob, fo sho, never gonna give that shit up, rick astley style. i am starting to fret. i am starting to worry, just a little bit, that i may be BFing this kid at his damn wedding.
it's gotten to the point that i may just drop (in casual conversation, say, perhaps to a coworker) "i'm great, but my nipples are killing me." in response to, like, "hi." i also feel very selfish, naturally, cos what other emotions are moms "supposed" to feel when they consider themselves in the slightest bit. again, with the bitter comes the guilt. wtf chuck. guilt follows me like one of those invisible fucking dogs on a leash we had when we were kids. do you know what i am talking about, those "pets" that were actually just a leash, not really pets of any kind.
i don't know how they sold us that crap, but its insidious as hell, just like the guilt.
i am very desperate to go out and get drunk sans guilt. i am very desperate to shower, shit, shave, load the dishwasher, eat lunch, etc. sans guilt.
i was raised catholic but this is bullshit! i gave that shit up for lent when i was 14!

back to the boobs. it is not as if i even feel the kid is benefiting a great deal anymore from drinking my milk. i question whether he is, whether, in fact, anything the AAP says is true, or just a ploy to keep women busy.
maybe i'm looking for a way out.
it may be time to wean. it may very well be time.

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